Tags: OJ Simpson | parody | poetry

Well, it looks like the star of the trial of the century will be in trouble for another century, as OJ Simpson battles on for stealing his own possessions at gunpoint.

This is either a concerted conspiracy, or just proof of the stupidity of the American legal system. But remember those heady days of the trial? We do... so let's take a walk into the past with this lovely piece from the Think Magazine archives...

I did not kill my lovely wife.

I did not slash her with a knife.

I did not bonk her on the head.

I did not know that she was dead.

I stayed at home that fateful night.

I took a limo, then took a flight.

The bag I had was just for me.

My bag! My bag! Hey, leave it be!

When I came home, I had a gash.

My hand was cut from broken glass.

I cut my hand on broken glass.

A broken glass did cause that gash.

My friend, he took me for a ride.

All through LA, from side to side.

From north to south, we took a ride.

But from the cops we could not hide.

My trial lasted for a year.

A year! A year! Just sitting here!

The DNA, the HEM, the HAW!

The circus-hype the viewers saw!

A year! A year! Just sitting here!

Did you do this awful crime?

Did you do this anytime?

I did not do this awful crime.

I could not, would not, anytime.

Did you take this person's life?

Did you do it with a knife?

I did not do it with a knife.

I did not, could not, kill my wife.

I did not do this awful crime.

I could not, would not, anytime.

Did you hit her from above?

Did you drop this bloody glove?

I did not hit her from above.

I cannot even wear that glove.

I did not do it with a knife.

I did not, could not, kill my wife.

I did not do this awful crime.

I could not, would not, anytime.

The glove you see, it doesn't fit

The lawyer says you must acquit

Acquit because the cops all lied

"Acquit! Acquit! " the lawyer cried

The jury came back, verdict in hand and silence fell across the land

"Not guilty, not guilty" they did decree

"Not guilty, not guilty, now set him free"

And now I'm free, I can return

To my house for which I yearn.

And to my family whom I love.

Now would you please return my glove!